GOOD COUNSEL
Biblical counseling is not telling people what to do. Biblical counseling is not tossing verses at someone like grenades. Nor is Biblical counseling passively affirming behavior or ignoring needed Biblical content to be brought to bear. At its core Biblical counseling is holding high the beauty of Christ’s character and what He has done at the cross. When what He has done drives the conversation, it puts what one is to do in its proper context. When the beauty of Christ’s characteris at the heart of the conversation, it puts the shaping of one’s own character in the realm of grace. Shortcuts abound in seeking to be a good counselor. Without keen self-awareness, these shortcuts lead even the most Biblically well-intentioned off a proverbial cliff. Trust me … I often feel myself falling over it. I get impatient, defensive, or even demanding in my spirit. I desperately want people to change, and without thinking, drive down a man-centered, behavior-focused pathway. So, let me offer these few basics as we seek to build a community of counsel in our local church.
(1) You still have to listen. You may think you know what someone needs, but listening to their story may change how you approach delivering what they need. Listening takes patience, love, and most importantly, relationship.
(2) You still have to earn trust. You don’t get a pass being trusted, even when you think you have a relationship with someone. They have fears, insecurities, and even wounds in their story that can quickly put you on the “other side” of the table. Trust takes time, and only trust opens the door to be heard and helpful.
(3) You still have to respect their agency. You don’t get to just tell people what to do, even when you think you know what they need to do. The last thing you want is for someone to obey simply because you told them to, it just won’t last. With time, skill, and relationship, you want them to see, on their own, the need for repentance and faith, steadfastness and obedience.
May we see Jesus in all His glory, grace, and compassion, so we then see others with the very same eyes with which Jesus has loved us. Then we may have a chance of being used powerfully in the lives of others!
